Thursday, December 04, 2014

Song for Miranda Kerr

"Song for Miranda Kerr"

Hey, Miranda,
When I heard that you
Were married to Orlando Bloom
But then you

Threw it all away
So you could piss on your vows
For a worthless fling
with Justin Bieber?!

And that when Orlando
Went to confront him
Justin scoffed,
"She was good,"
Laughed and walked away...

And then later Orlando
tried to punch that... JB
In the face
But he hits like a girl
And missed anyway,
Because Orlando Bloom STILL LOVES YOU,
In spite of everything,
I made a decision...

I'll never write a song for you!

You'll never know what you're missin'!
Cause I could make some dope-ass rhymes
With Miranda...
                          or Kerr...
But I'll never even tell you
What any of 'em are....
(Or were?  Which is it?)

Hey, Miranda,
I'll never write a song for you!

---

Now, you may be thinking, "Didn't you just write her a song to inform her that you will NEVER write her a song?!"

That's what science-genius types call a paradox.  I call it the "Hey-I-Just-Wrote-You-a-Song-to-Inform-You-That-I-Will-Never-Write-You-a-Song Paradox."  I invented it so I get to name it.  And besides, I already told you, I can't even write songs, anyway.  I just write poems (that wish they were lyrics).

It's not me, Miranda.  It's you.