Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Foam Wife

"Foam Wife" #JSLAY

I think I'm gonna spray foam
Cover you with foam, wife
Film a video promo
And rock your world tonight
I've got gonads
I'm a pocket rocket man
I'm gonna give you that
Gonna cover all of you not just your hand

I think I'm gonna spray foam

Let's have a circle jerk
I love to watch you twerk
Gonna give you my cream now
Consider it another perk.

Foam, wife
Done holding back my foam, wife
My banana's ripe!

Like last time it's the same
Gonna holler gonna scream your name
Finish it today
We can do it in traffic on a highway
Just you and just me
Gonna be a symphony
We're gonna put it on repeat
I just wanna give you my foam, wife!

Done holding back my foam, wife
My banana's ripe!

Let me tell you such and such
We got married last month
And if it doesn't work out
Gonna take half your stuff
It's fine with me
What ever will be's gonna be
I know that you crave
The foam that I gave
Not just some yellow stream
It's something quite grave
It spurts and spurts
I give till it hurts
But foam, wife, it's the rage!

Let's have a circle jerk
I love to watch you twerk
I'd love to walk to where you can hear me talk but
I think if you'll drop down I'll just ride you here!

Foam wife,
I give you my foam wife
I give you my foam wife
You come back for my foam wife
You want it!

Come Give Me Head

"Come Give Me Head" #JSLAY

Still be my wife
End all this gloom
Your hands are tied
And I have all your things
I'm telling you your mine
Don't make me repeat
I'm the big man standing tall
Disobedience I forbid
Give me what I want and I'll take you to the mall

You can get sad without warning
Flaring nostrils with eyes of red
Must you beat my phone, dear?
It gets old, baby
Come give me head
Come give me head
Come give me head
Come give me head

I like Bisquick
You know how to make a biscuit
I like looking at your pretty lips
When we're in the bed
I'll come fast and finish quick

You can get sad without warning
Flaring nostrils with eyes of red
Must you beat my phone, dear?
It gets old, baby
Come give me head
Come give me head
Come on,  give me head
Come give me head...

[guitar solo]

You can get sad without warning
Flaring nostrils with eyes of red
Come on grease me
We'll form our own nation
It gets old, baby
Come give me head
Come give me head
Come give me head

Come hold my joint over your head
Come hold my joint over your head
Come hold my joint over your head
Don't hold my joint too hard now, baby

Come hold my joint over your head
Come hold my joint over your head yeah
Come hold my joint over your head
Don't hold my joint too hard now, baby
Come on come give me head

Play

2014 12 31 "Play" #OW

Play is the act of having fun by doing various playful stuff.  A play is also a dramatic presentation on stage.

Play looks like fun.

Play sounds like children screaming and laughing.

Play feels like running around and laughing.

Play smells like excitement.

Play tastes like ice cream.

Rhymes with play: B byplay, D display, endplay, F fair play, foreplay, photoplay, foul play, fun play, H horse play, I interplay, M misplay, O overlay, P Passion play, R replay, S satyr play, SKR screenplay, ST stage play, U underplay, W wordplay

Today would be a day to play
So long as all engage in fair play
I don't mind a little horse play
But I'm not about to read a screen play or watch a stage play.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Blue Peep

"Blue Peep" #JSLAY

I'm so blue
I'm so emboldened
I can hardly believe
A day in a bind
I am the man
I'm gonna discover just how sighted I am
And have a real good time

Since when ever I started
Doing what I can
Finding good things to see
It's been great
It's been grand
Hey, what's that I'm holding in my hand?

Perving is the blue peep
Don't watch me as I creep
Hope the view to her bedroom ain't too steep

Is there a shade?
Why must it be down?
Don't you think it's sad
When peeps are all that's to be had?
And look at her moons
Don't they remind you of gold doubloons
Well, before they started sagging, I guess.

Since when ever I started
Doing what I can
Finding good things to see
It's been great
It's been grand
Hey, what's that I'm holding in my hand?

Perving is the blue peep
Don't watch me as I creep
Hope the view to her bedroom ain't too steep

I'm a new guy
Check out the girls when I get high
Hope they don't see me -- hope their eyes are closed
When they take a shower -- take off their panty hose
I hope I can stay
And check her out for the rest of the day
Sing my song to pass the time
Sing this song

Perving is the blue peep
Don't watch me as I creep
Hope the view to her bedroom ain't too steep

You'll never read my mind
I'm such a nice guy, and kind
Peeping builds me up
The most fun I've had since I was a pup
I like to do it all of the time
It inspires me -- makes me want to rhyme
I can even make a vowel rhyme
For 'bevy of rings'

Someone's Kissing

"Someone's Kissing" #JSLAY

We're all alone, I'm glad we are
And we're moving to the backseat of my car
Oh, it's on, we're about to get down
I'll do you right when we go to town.
Let's do it right now!

I'm dizzy from our shopping spree
But's it working -- you're so into me
Window shopping was such a pain
But getting you out of your new dress is quite a gain!

Someone's kissing
It's the payoff to all my wishing
someone's kissing
And I can guess who it is
(It's us!)

When I come, I won't ask
I'll be the first to know and you'll be last
But you'll quickly know, when I start
I'll be sure to thank you before we part.

Someone's kissing
It's the payoff to all my wishing
someone's kissing
And I can guess who it is
(It's us!)

I can't be sure that this state of mind is gonna last
But kissing you is such a blast
Let's enjoy our time together before it's passed.

Someone's kissing
It's the payoff to all my wishing
someone's kissing
And I can guess who it is
Yeah, I can guess who it is
(It's us!)
Someone's different
And I do know who it is
No I do know who it is

Booty -- yeah -- boobs -- yeah --
A good lay -- yeah -- Opposite sex -- yeah -- yeah -- yeah

How come everything I say comes out with such sleaze?
Why does sleaze come with such ease?

How come everything I say comes out with such sleaze?
Why does sleaze come with such ease?

May

2014 12 30 "May" #OW

May is the fifth month of the year.

April showers bring May flowers.  May Day.  Aunt May.  May "May Day" Parker.

May looks like spring, with the grass growing and the flowers blooming.

May sounds like lawnmowers running too early in the day.

May smells like cut grass.  And gasoline.

May tastes like light spring foods.  Hot dogs, cole slaw, potato salad -- a Memorial Day picnic.

May feels like Spring.

Rhymes with May: dismay, entremets, gamay, gourmet,
consommé, lamé, macramé, may, resumé, Salomé

Come with me if you may
I'll tell you of the Dance of Salomé
And if it takes the entire month of May
You'll learn it well enough to add to your resumé.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Bigger than a Breadbox

"Bigger than a Breadbox" #JSLAY

This is a flare to the tone-deaf
This is a marker
I'm on the other side of this treble-clef
Or my name ain't Peter Parker

Yeah, I'm bound by gravity
Had my jet pack confiscated
All around me (are)
Lots of concrete
Guess I'll keep walking
As I wait
For my death ray to charge up.

Someday I'll glide
You'll know then I haven't lied
You'll know that I'm a guy who tried
To live a full life before he died

Why ain't it my day?
Why am I still in school?
When will things go my way?
So I'm not such a hesitant fool...

Yeah, I'm bound by gravity
Had my jet pack confiscated
All around me (are)
Lots of concrete
Guess I'll keep walking
As I wait
For my death ray to charge up.

Someday I'll glide
You'll know then I haven't lied
You'll know that I'm a guy who tried
To live a full life before he died
'Cause, hey, I'm not some meaningless little thing
'Cause I'm bigger than a breadbox -- wow!

'Maybe I'll trip over some wires
As I work my way ever higher
And if I have to go out like a light
You'll know I put up a fight!

Yeah, I'm bound by gravity
Had my jet pack confiscated
All around me (are)
Lots of concrete
Guess I'll keep walking
As I wait
For my death ray to charge up.
For my death ray to charge up.

Someday I'll glide
You'll know then I haven't lied
You'll know that I'm a guy who tried
To live a full life before he died
'Cause, hey, I'm not some meaningless little thing
'Cause I'm bigger than a breadbox -- wow!

Barbarity

"Barbarity" #JSLAY

I hurry, I try to outrun my body
I'm a flurry, I throw my weight around
But here today, there's a warning freight train
Run for your lives, "get away" is my refrain.

Ooow ooow ooow ooow

By the time the first blow lands
It'll be nothing but demands
How can you continue, find the strength to carry on
When your city walls are being pounded on?

Ooow ooow ooow ooow

And the barbarian hordes
Will cross your fords
They'll break your walls like breaking boards
They'll break your families, take away your adoreds
And it won't be fine
Don't think I'm crazy -- heed my rant
It's an offer you can't decline
You'll break -- you're not adamant!

You won't have a moment to look around
You'll just be the booty these barbarians have found
You'll be lucky if your heads still attached when it hits the ground
Look out -- they're coming here now!

Ooow ooow ooow ooow
Ooow ooow ooow ooow

So much life lost to these baboons
Don't make plans -- you won't seen next June
It's over for you

And the barbarian hordes
Will cross your fords
They'll break your walls like breaking boards
They'll break your families, take away your adoreds
And it won't be fine
Don't think I'm crazy -- heed my rant
It's an offer you can't decline
You'll break -- you're not adamant!

Relay

2014 12 29 "Relay" #OW

Among other things, a relay is a type of race.

A relay can look like people running around a track handing each other stuff.

A relay sounds like runners grunting as they try to go as fast as they can, their shoes kicking up dust from the track.

A relay smells like sweat.

You shouldn't try to touch a relay, because the collision would probably be painful.

Don't taste a relay, either.

Rhymes with : A allay, B belay, Beaujolais, Bordelais D
delay, F forelay, forlay, H haole, I inlay,
interlay, K cabriolet, kantele, coulée, L
lai, lay, M Malay, Mandalay, melee, mislay,
O olé, outlay, overlay, P parlay, Pelée,
pis-aller, pourparler, R Rabelais, relay,
reveillé, rissolé, rokelay, roundelay, SH
Chevrolet, U underlay, unlay, unplay, V
virelay W waylay

We ran a relay
In honor of Rabelais
It happened today
You should have been there while it was still under way!

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Decay

2014 12 28 "Decay" #OW

Decay is the move toward entropy of all things

Decay looks like rust and old flecks of paint on rotting wood.

Decay smells like must, mold, and mildew.

Decay sounds like branches snapping in a thunderstorm, twigs and leaves crunching underfoot.

Decay tastes like chicken.

Decay feels like death and the end of all there is.

Rhymes with decay: B Biscay, bouquet, bokeh, D decay,
E embusqué, K cay, communiqué, KR
croquet, M manqué, O okay, P parquet,
piquet, R risqué, roquet, S sobriquet, T
tokay, tourniquet

Don't delay -- you must prevent decay!
Don't forget to water that bouquet!
When you cut yourself, apply a tourniquet!
Don't let "Decay" be YOUR sobriquet!

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Buffet

2014 12 27 "Buffet" #OW

A buffet is a meal at a restaurant in which you are allowed to choose your own from an array of choices.

Golden Corral has a buffet, as do many pizza places.  There's a strip mall near Battleground Avenue in Greensboro, NC, that has an Egyptian buffet, a Thai buffet, and an Indian buffet, all within walking distance of each other!

A buffet looks like lots of food.

A buffet sounds like plates and forks clattering.

A buffet tastes like lots of food, from pizza (the good buffets take requests), to Tandoori chicken, to delicious soups and so on...

A buffet smells like lots of found.

A buffet feels like a full stomach!

Rhymes with buffet: café, fay, fey, coryphée, ofay, au fait, auto-da-fé, parfait, pousse-café, rechauffé, Santa Fe

If you like a good buffet
No need to go to Santa Fe
Some even offer a parfait!
Ask your server at your favorite cafe!

Friday, December 26, 2014

Obey

2014 12 26 "Obey" #OW

Obey means to follow instructions or orders.

Obey looks like work.

Obey sounds like grunts and the noises of work.

Obey smells like sweat.

Obey feels like sore muscles after a long hard day of work.

Obey tastes like a dry mouth if you don't rehydrate while you're working so hard.

Rhymes with obey: bay, bey, Bombay, bombé, dapple bay, disobey, flambé,

You will obey
'Cause if you disobey
You'll be sitting at the dock of the bay
Or wind up a flambé!

Independence Day

"Independence Day" #JSLAY

Here comes the warmth
Break out the summer clothes
And find someone to hold you close
You -- it had to be you
Your red lips -- your rosy cheeks
Your curvy body rewards my little peeks

Who knows what we will do
But I can surely say this to you

Each day in March I'll primp and preen
If I have to school you -- I'll be your dean
You're my favorite person -- all dressed in green

In the park, on our own
You tell me tales of unlucky others
We share the secrets of brand new lovers
You and me are becoming we
And when the lion becomes the lamb
We'll still be banging -- wham, bam!
Thank you, Ma'am!
You're the best part of me!

April showers we'll still power
Our growing love will be a tower
I'm better with you -- never dour
And come May we're warming up
Come back to bed? Oh, yeah -- yup!
Can't wait to lay
to play and play
on this hard and pointy Flag Day!

And we'll both get laid on Independence Day!

We should take a stroll today around the city
I love to show you off 'cause you're so pretty
We'll go that way -- we'll go this way
You'll tell me all the little things you need to say
And folks will be jealous of all we do
Wishin' that they were me and you

April showers we'll still power
Our growing love will be a tower
I'm better with you -- never dour
And come May we're warming up
Come back to bed? Oh, yeah -- yup!

And if this thing should go away
If I have to leave or you can't stay
We'll be okay as long as we have Independence Day

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Suppose

"Suppose" #JSLAY

Suppose I lied
When I said you're my saving grace
And then I laughed when you cried
Would you punch me in my stupid face
Would you slap me till I died?

Would you want me when I'm me?
When I'm such a catastrophe?

Supposed I lied
When I said I lied when I said you're my saving (and so on)
What if I said it was just a stupid thing I tried?
Would you forgive me then (could we still go on)?

Do you want me when I'm me?
Would you rather I set you free?

But I, in space, will do my dance
Make you forget (put you in a trance)

Suppose it's all just a game
Do you want me all the same?

Christmas Day

2014 12 25 "Christmas Day" #OW

Christmas Day comes but once a year.

Christmas looks like big crowds shopping for gifts, old men dressed as Santa posing for pictures with kids, holiday lights and decorated trees
Christmas Day sounds like Christmas carols and paper being ripped off packages
Christmas Day smells like hot apple cider, cooked ham, and cold winter air
Christmas Day tastes like marshmallow Santas, cookies, cakes, treats, and a big midday meal.
Christmas Day feels like Christmas!

Rhymes with Christmas Day: D? A alackaday, Ascension Day, B bidet, birthday, D D-day, day, démodé, doomsday, E everyday, F firstday, FR, Friday, G good-day, H half-day, heyday, high-day, holiday, I intraday, J Judgment Day, KW quarter day, L Labor Day, lackaday, Lord’s day, M Market day, Mayday, midday, N noonday, P payday, PL playday, S settling-day, seventh-day, someday, sundae, Sunday, T today, Tuesday, TH Thursday, TR trysting-day, W wedding day, weekday, welladay, Wednesday, workaday, workday, working day, Y yesterday

Is it Christmas Day?
Either it is today
Or it will be someday
It's a holiday!

Breakin' Doors

"Breakin' Doors" #JSLAY

Like talking to a brick wall -- that's talking to you
You just don't get me -- no matter what I say or do
Like a one-sided game of Simon Says.

What's your childhood trauma?  What happened when you were four?
Why's it so hard to reach you?  I feel like I'm breakin' doors
Tryin' so hard to get through to you -- must I beg on all fours?

Your gray life sucks my breath away
Liven up!  Let's go outside and play!
I try to pierce your shell in vain
Let's get out of hear -- let's just go
Where we'll wind up I don't even know
We'll see Rocky Horror at the late night show
Do something different -- find some strange
Take a chance in your dreary life -- make a change!

Why's it so hard to reach you?  I feel like I'm breakin' doors
Tryin' so hard to get through to you -- must I beg on all fours?

I'm not saying I blame you
It's hard -- I know it's hard
But one plus one is better than one -- we're more than the sum of two!

So I've told you what I'm here for
Come out and be with me -- don't make me break your door
Come see the world -- the great outdoors
You deserve a better life -- let me show you so much more!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Love Song For T.S.

"Love Song For T.S." #JSLAY

So few American girls speak Italian anymore
Too afraid to offend, mustn't be a bore.
At the mall the tweeny girls come and go
Gossiping about whom?  You know!

I'm tired of talking on the phone
Want you close -- to draw you near
So tired of talking on the phone
Come closer -- let me draw you near!

Let's go then, me and you,
We'll disturb the universe for something to do.
We'll be busy as beavers, busy as bees,
Scuttling underwater across stormy seas

I'm tired of talking on the phone
Want you close -- to draw you near
So tired of talking on the phone
Come closer -- let me draw you near!

Don't say that's not what I meant, at all
Let me be your hero, standing tall!
I'm no wishy-wishy Hamlet, some indecisive fool
I'm your James Dean day dream, real super-cool!

I'm tired of talking on the phone
Want you close -- to draw you near
So tired of talking on the phone
Come closer -- let me draw you near!

I'm the fashion, I'm the style
I never grow old
Admit it, you still want me, all the while
Whether I wear tight shirts or my trousers rolled!

I'm tired of talking on the phone
Want you close -- to draw you near
So tired of talking on the phone
Come closer -- let me draw you near!

Iliad

2014 12 24 "Iliad" #OW

The Iliad is an epic poem by Homer or someone else of the same name about the Trojan War.

The Sequel to the Iliad is The Odyssey.  The sequel to The Odyssey is 2001: A Space Odyssey.  The sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey is 2010 starring John Lithgow.

There are many graphic descriptions of graphic battles in the Iliad.  The attackers finally win after 10 years of pitched battles by deploying the Trojan Horse, a clever ploy designed by Odysseus (of The Odyssey).

The term "Achilles heel" comes from the Iliad.  Also, Helen of Troy, "the face that launched a thousand ships."

Rhymes for Iliad: AD A ad, add, D dyad, Dunciad, DR dryad, E ennead, G Gilead, GW gwynniad, H hamadryad, J jeremiad, K chiliad, Columbiad, L Lusiad, M myriad, N Naiad, O  gdoad, Olympiad, oread, R readd, superadd, TR triad

Have you read the Iliad?
It makes a great gift for Mom or Dad.
It lets you know that war is bad.
It has many interpretations -- you could say, "myriad."

5x7

"5x7" #JSLAY

A 5x7 index card gives me plenty of room to say lots
Twice as much space if I use two
Unfortunately I'm only able to fill this one up with dots
I guess it's clear I just don't have that much to say to you

You were great -- you were super nice
You were easy on the eyes --
I'd look you over eagerly once or twice
And you've always been willing to believe my lies.

What went wrong?
What went down?
I can't put it in a song
Easier to just leave town.

But I guess you wouldn't want me to give up so quick
So here's another verse -- another clever trick
Though now this verse is nearly done
I've really said nothing new since verse one!

You're a great girl -- you really deserve better
A guy with things to say -- who can fill a letter
I'm just not the one -- not your blue sky heaven
I hope one day you'll find a guy who can cover an 8 and a half x 11.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

0-8

"0-8" #JSLAY

Wouldn't it be great
to go back to 0-8?
the night of our very first date
Tried to pick you up at 7 but got there late

Took you to the multiplex
Didn't care about the movie -- just wanted sex
Had a little scare when we bumped into your ex
You dated a bald dude named Luthor?  Was his first name Lex?

We've had our ups and downs since then
But I'd do it all over again
Back to the way things used to be
But I'm happy now -- you're the one for me!

Wouldn't it be great
to go back to 0-8?
We'll go fishing -- I'll buy the bait
I'll even wear that coat you like -- the one I hate!

Wouldn't it be great
to go back to 0-8?

Wouldn't it be great
to go back to 0-8?

Pretty Dove

"Pretty Dove" #JSLAY

I've always liked an Apple Dutch
So red, so juicy, so fun to touch
I'll pick 'em from trees or off the ground
But enough apple-talk -- I'll sing about the girl I found

Oh, she's a pretty dove
She's the girl I'd like to love
Fits me just like a glove
Such a pretty -- pretty -- pretty dove!

I moved all my stuff to her place
She's got a big house -- lots of space
She brings home the bacon -- she loves to work
And she lets it slide when I'm a jerk!

Oh, she's a pretty dove
She's the girl I'd like to love
Fits me just like a glove
Such a pretty -- pretty -- pretty dove!

The day we met, we met so cute
I had just been in a fight like some brute
She rescued me -- then she took me home
Such a nice lady -- I'll never roam!

Oh, she's a pretty dove
She's the girl I'd like to love
Fits me just like a glove
Such a pretty -- pretty -- pretty dove!

She'll give subtle hints -- she'll give me a clue
Like playing The Beatles song, "Love Me Do"
One time she kissed me and I almost swooned
And when we did it I was over the moon

Oh, she's a pretty dove
She's the girl I'd like to love
Fits me just like a glove
Such a pretty -- pretty -- pretty dove!

Friday night, I've just been thinking
Usually at this point I'd bail 'cause the ship is sinking
But I never knew I could feel this way
I hope she can put up with me -- I'd like to stay!

Such a pretty -- pretty -- pretty dove!
Such a pretty -- pretty -- pretty dove!

From the Village
To the spillage
She's the kind of girl I'd never met
It's the kind of thing I'll never regret

But for the life of me I can't remember her name

Oh, she's a pretty dove
She's the girl I'd like to love
Fits me just like a glove
Such a pretty -- pretty -- pretty dove!

Insomnia

2014 12 23 "Insomnia" #OW

Insomnia is a condition of having difficulty falling or staying asleep through the night.

If you have trouble sleeping, try reducing caffeine -- look up the 4 hour body and Tim Ferriss for more ideas on sleep;  Huffington Post also has some articles.

When you have insomnia you see a lot of nothing in the dark and you see more stuff if you leave the lights on.  But if you're leaving the lights on that could be contributing to your insomnia.

You hear plenty that you'd rather not hear.

Smells don't really stand out.

You feel the pillows as you punch them over and over trying to get them fluffy enough to let you sleep.

You shouldn't be eating in the middle of the night, anyway, so taste should not be a factor.

Rhymes with insomniac: AK A aphrodisiac, ack-ack, ammoniac, amnesiac, B bivouac, D demoniac, dipsomaniac, Dyak, Dionysiac, E egomaniac, elegiac, H haemophiliac, hypochondriac, I ileac, iliac, insomniac, K cardiac, Kodiak, KL kleptomaniac, M maniac, megalomaniac, monomaniac, N nymphomaniac, O oomiak, P pyromaniac, Pontiac, S sacroiliac, sal ammoniac, coeliac, symposiac, Z zodiac

Why am I so insomniac?
Does it have to do with the Zodiac?
I'd rather be a kleptomaniac!
O, Let me sleep or have a heart attack!

Monday, December 22, 2014

Another Land

"Another Land" #JSLAY #TaylorSpliffed

[MALE:] Your skin like porcelain
My fingers trace your skin -- I won the chase
Another notch on my belt -- another win
You smile at me -- I just guide your head to the pillowcase
I'm a rock star god -- the love kingpin!
You fell for my looks -- not a hair out of place!

[MALE:] Your body is another land
[FEMALE:] I fell for you 'cause you're so fine
[MALE:] Your mind is another land
[FEMALE:] But now I fear I'm losing my mind
[MALE:] Your soul is another land
[FEMALE:] You're oh-so-cruel but never kind!

[FEMALE:] Your flashing lights and siren call
like a whirlygig
Size doesn't matter but I'm so small
and you're so big
Other women -- you want to screw them all --
you're such a pig!

[FEMALE:] Your eyes are searching for another land
[MALE:] That's how I keep the upper hand
[FEMALE:] Your skin feels for another land
[MALE:] That love letter I wrote you was just in sand
[FEMALE:] Your heart beats for another land
[MALE:] Ooooh, baby, ain't "love" grand?

[MALE:] We've got the afternoon
[FEMALE:] It'll be over too soon!
[MALE:] We've got this room for two
[FEMALE:] Oh, baby, love me do!
[MALE:] I'll fill you like the deepest sea
[FEMALE:] Ooooh, "lover," flash those eyes at me!

                             [MALE:] body is
[BOTH:] Your     [FEMALE:] eyes are searching for  [BOTH:] another land
                             [MALE:] mind is
[BOTH:] Your     [FEMALE:] skin feels for [BOTH:] another land
                             [MALE:] soul is
[BOTH:] Your     [FEMALE:] heart beats for [BOTH:] another land...

Try Georgia

"Try Georgia" #JSLAY

We're heading East on 40 in the
Friday afternoon slow motion traffic jam
heading toward the beach
seems so out of reach
but we're just cruising along
singing along with the radio song

We all blunder sometimes
In through the out door
In a somewhat meaningless life

You'll be getting it right
You'll be getting it right
You'll be getting it right
Try, Georgia, try!

We rent a condo and fill the place with
stuff from our suitcases to make it seem like home
Now we're free to roam
We'll feel the sand between our toes
Drink cold beer till it pours out our nose

We all blunder sometimes
In through the out door
In a somewhat wreckless life

You'll be getting it right
You'll be getting it right
You'll be getting it right
Try, Georgia, try!

Party time, we've got our party hats on
No time to worry about the real world
Grab another brew, kiss another pretty girl
Feel free to be yourself, let your freak flag unfurl

Everyone we meet is someone new
Fresh make up, fresh new 'do
Just stick with me, tight like glue
We're having a Beach weekend here at the coast
Having fun with you, 'cause, baby, you're the most

You'll be getting it right
You'll be getting it right
You'll be getting it right
Try, Georgia, try!

Chad

2014 12 22 "Chad" #OW

A chad is a hole in a piece of paper, like a hanging chad on the infamous Florida ballots.

Chad is also a male name.  Also the country of Chad.

As paper, chads generally don't have much taste or smell; they don't make much noise

They look round.

They feel like paper.

Not much to say about chad.

Rhymes with chad: footpad, kneepad, launching pad, pad, shoulder pad, tongue pad

Talking to Chad, I hurt my kneepad
Slipped on a footpad
Failed to clear the launching pad
Glad I had a shoulder pad.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Leaf

2014 12 21 "Leaf" #OW

Leaves are biological solar converters for feeding plants and later animals.  They help trees to survive and thrive and can also provide shelter for animals.

The leaves change color in the fall and fall off the trees in time for winter.  Wet leaves make a wet leafy sound.  Dry leaves make a sharp, crackly sound.

Leaves can be green, brown, red, and a bunch of other colors.  They either look hale and hearty or sickly (if the caterpillars eat holes in them).

Dry leaves feel like dry pre-dirt.  Wet leaves feel like wet, clammy pre-dirt.  They smell that way, too.

I rarely eat leaves -- they don't seem to have much taste.

Rhymes with leaf: beef deef fief grief leaf queaf reef sieve thief

I'm gonna turn over a new leaf
It's just a way to bury my grief
I think I'll visit a coral reef.
Reef.  Reef!  What are you -- deef?!

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Gloves

2014 12 20 "Gloves" #OW

My gloves smell like dog because I pet her while wearing them.
My gloves are made of this weird material -- they're only about a year or so old but the lettering has already worn off
I have the hardest time finding good quality gloves that stay dry when it's wet and keep my fingers warm when the temperature is below 30 degrees Fahrenheit
Sometimes I think I'd prefer mittens to keep my fingers warm but actually I need more dextrous gloves so I can manipulate stuff with my fingers
I can clap with my gloves to make a sharper sound than when not wearing them
Sometimes I pull the gloves off with my teeth -- they're pretty tasteless


Rhymes with glove: above cove dove gov guv hove' love move prove shove stove tove wove

I rage, I rattle, I shake my glove
I vent my anger to the heavens above
Oh, Lord, why forsake me, why take my love?
I was ever the warrior hawk, but she the innocent dove!

Friday, December 19, 2014

Guitar

2014 12 19 "Guitar" #OW

A guitar is a stringed musical instrument
John Mellencamp suggests that you play guitar
Guitars can be made of wood or metal or plastic
They can be fairly light or fairly heavy
Sizes can vary
A guitar can look brand new or be beat up with grafitti or stickers
You can pick with your fingers or use a guitar pick
You have to tune up the guitar regularly and change strings a lot
You can smuggle guns or drugs in the guitar case
Maybe you use a guitar strap
Lots of women makes lots of sacrifices to support guitar players, regardless of their actual level of skill or talent
Of course, a talented guitar player can bring a lot of emotion out of that little collection of curves and strings and make some amazing sounds
I've never licked a guitar so I couldn't tell you how they taste


Rhymes with guitar: bitter fritter hitter jitter litter pitter Qatar sitar sitter titter twitter witter

Paul liked to play guitar
George learned to play sitar
John's son seems bitter
Are you gonna post this poem to Twitter?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Be Shut

"Be Shut" #JSLAY

Witching hour
We lost power
Feels like Armageddon
We're beginning to cower

We can't have noise
You, me, and the boys
And yet I can't recall
The phrase to silence you all

3:03
Need to pee
Restore my memory
Pull it from my gut:
You kids!  Be shut!

The sound's not so loud
Muffled like a cloud
And yet I can't recall
The phrase to silence you all

The sun is coming up
Greeted by yelps from our little pup
Less noise, you mangy mutt!
Hey you! Be shut!

Inside the "HELLO MY NAME IS Blaise Faint Dyson Piece"

SIDE for UNTITLED PROJECT (The Dyson Piece Address)

[LOCATION: We are in space on a Dyson Piece -- we don't need a whole Dyson Sphere -- this piece is bigger than the Death Star AND bigger than Earth, and has its own "natural" gravity, and comes equipped with enough Solarnite bombs to blow up the galaxy, though we would never use them.

BLAISE FAINT is addressing legions of semi-robotic nanite-enhanced space metaclones.  These legions of valiant warriors wear a standard uniform of space sweatpants, tight space t-shirts (to show off our six-pack abs) and invisible space forcefields that expand as needed and provide plenty of breathable atmosphere when called for.  In addition, each space clone has his own replicatin' teleportin' space backpack.  These backpacks are mindcontrolled.  If a space clone needs a ham sandwich, he thinks "ham sandwich" and reaches into the space backpack to pull out a ham sandwich.  Anything you need is available, from a toothpick to a warp-capable spaceship.  Anything you pull out can go back in to be placed in universe-adjacent storage.  In an emergency situation, the space clone can climb inside the backpack and teleport to safety.  Luckily, backup space backpacks are available inside each original space backpack.

The different space clones each have different superpowers, depending on personal preference.  These superpowers include flight, vision, hearing, strength, and whatever else the plot requires, and can come in different combinations.]

BLAISE FAINT [wearing a "HELLO MY NAME IS [Actor's Name] Portraying Blaise Faint" Name Badge]: I'm just lettin' all of me -- that's us -- know that we're winding down our operation to conquer the multiverse.  It turns out that each time we conquer one universe, another universe that we haven't yet conquered pops up as a result of quantum mechanics.  We're not only just making more work for ourselves, we've worked out that if we keep at it long enough, eventually one of those alternate universes will be powerful enough to CONQUER US.  So for now, we're just gonna lay low and see if we can invent a "Conquering-Us-Universe Inhibitor" before we really step in it.
SPACE CLONE #6903 [wearing a "HELLO MY NAME IS [Actor's Name] Portraying SPACE CLONE #6903" Name Badge]:  "Conquering-Us-Universe Inhibitor" -- I get what it does, but why do we call it that?
BLAISE FAINT:  I invented it so I get to name it.
SPACE CLONE #6903: I thought you just said it hasn't been invented yet...
BLAISE FAINT: Geez, Louise... there's one in every crowd, ain't there?  I invented THE IDEA of it, so I get to name the IDEA.  We're gonna be here all day if you question every little thing that comes out of my piehole!  Do you have any idea just how long a SPACE DAY is?!
MULTIPLE SPACE CLONES [in unison]: Pipe down #6903!  Let Prime speak!
SPACE CLONE #6903 (sheepish):  Sorry.
BLAISE FAINT: Now if I may continue, without too many interruptions.  We're still working on the green sex slaves.  We've been having a problem of the newer models toppin' from the bottom.  It turns out that when a green sex slave comes out as awesome as we all want her to be, well, we get awfully fond of her.  We're working with pairing multiple green sex slaves with each space clone so they're too busy fightin' amongst themselves to outdo US.  Anywhere from 7 to 10 per may wind up being the perfect number, except...
SPACE CLONE #6903: [starts to mouth, "Why not 11?" but thinks better of the idea from the look on BLAISE FAINT's face]
BLAISE FAINT: We're finding unintended consequences.  It turns out that if we go the multiples route, within 3 generations the population of our descendants will be far greater than the population of planet Earth within all of space time.  We'd need AT LEAST 3 COMPLETE DYSON SPHERES in no time, and we just don't think that's sustainable.
[MURMURING AMONG THE LEGIONS OF SPACE CLONES]
BLAISE FAINT: Along those lines, we're thinking of putting about half of the space clones in suspended animation, just to keep the population growth in check.
[Eyeballs SPACE CLONE #6903...]
BLAISE FAINT: Matter of fact, all odd-numbered Space Clones please report to the space hypersleep chambers for suspended animation...
SPACE CLONE #6903 [feeling singled out]: Now wait a doggone space-minute!  All of us are semi-robotic nanite-enhanced space metaclones of YOU!  As such, we're all perfect specimens of the next step of humanity.  It just don't seem right to be puttin' ANY of US into suspended animation.
BLAISE FAINT: Look, I'm sure you've all heard the expression, "Too much of a great thing ain't such a great thing..."  I'm not saying it's fair, I just try to be realistic.
We are now accepting auditions for this Untitled Project (current working title: The Blaise Faint Story: Hello, My Name Is Blaise Faint and This Here Is the Movie of My Life).

Just record yourself performing the above side and post it to YouTube.  #BlaiseFaintMovieAudition #DysonPiece

WARNING: We'll only take you seriously if you're wearing an appropriate "HELLO MY NAME IS" badge.  Don't call us, we'll call you.

Faded

"Faded" #JSLAY

I can recall when we went to the store
I'm such a gentleman I held open the door
We did our shopping with zest
Each aisle we raided
And when we'd done our best
Out of sight we faded

Whatever went wrong had to be down to you
I'm always the good guy, always decent whatever I do

Our lives together were good, though a little worn and faded

I bang the new ones and it's a lot of fun
But whomever I'm banging this time I know she's not the one

Her name may be Bambi or Randi or Candy
I don't care so long as the sex is fine and dandy

She lights up a room
With an ass that goes boom
but you could tell your Lennon
from your McCartney

Our love was worn and faded
They'll say, 'cause they're jaded
On paper she's great
But next to you she don't rate

On her best day, she's only second-best
You're the girl for me -- my favorite fuckfest
I loved you
So eager to please, so willing to to tease -- you got that zest

Our love was worn and faded
They'll say, 'cause they're jaded
On paper she's great
But, hey, I think WE should date

Pine

2014 12 18 "Pine" #OW

Pine is a type of evergreen tree
Pine can also mean to miss someone, as in, "I'm pining after you."
The wind can rustle through the pine trees
On cold winter mornings pine needles can snap under your feet
Enough pine needles and you could slip or lose your balance
Pine needles are rarely sharp enough to break the skin, but they can still be painful
So many artificial pine smelling products can make it hard to remember just how real pine smells exactly
Rhymes for pine: brine, carbine, dine, fine, hind, kind, lyin', lion, mine, nine, quinine, shine, stein, thine, tine, tryin', Valentine, vine, vyin', whine, wine, zine
Healthy pine needles are green
After they die, they can turn brown

Girl, you're so fine
You smell like pine
I'm glad you're mine
Be my Valentine

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Love Goon

"Love Goon" #JSLAY

I know you called the cops
Claim you want me to stop
You say you want it cooler
Not with some sleasy drooler
But you'll be dropping that act soon
'Cause I'm a wild animal -- I'm your Love Goon!

Did you expect to blow me just once
And have me amble off like some clueless dunce
Some come on and face me
You can't just erase me
I know you agree
Girl, you love to do me!

'Cause I cross the lines you never knew were there
I make you beg and I pull your hair
You've never known how much you could care
You want it, and you're gonna need it soon
Face it, baby, I'm your love goon!

You're too scared to tell your mother mother where you've been
And you're just now realizing, you'll be coming again and again
You won't tell your friends about me I just bet
'Cause you want me for yourself -- just your secret!

I'm came all over you like a hurricane
Face it, you're my woman --
I'm your man
Some come on and face me
You'll never replace me!

'Cause I cross the lines you never knew were there
I make you beg and I pull your hair
You've never known how much you could care
You want it, and you're gonna need it soon
Face it, baby, I'm your love goon!

So, baby, bend over and accept your fate
But let's keep it casual -- I'm not one to date
I'll keep you around because you're so fine
But don't go braggin' telling your friends, "He's mine!"

'Cause I cross the lines you never knew were there
I make you beg and I pull your hair
You've never known how much you could care
You want it, and you're gonna need it soon
Face it, baby, I'm your love goon!

Praetoria

"Praetoria" #JSLAY

Don't know where that girl goes
She got great eyes and a perfect nose
She always looks great in whatever clothes

Working on her plan for rising

Don't know what was going on in her head
But she smiled at me and pointed at the bed
She's so amazing -- gonna love her long after I'm dead

She said, "I'd tell you to come but you're already here,
Come dancing with me and I'll buy you a beer!"

Hey, that girl's in my bunk
Yeah, the one with the junk in her trunk
She's likes it dirty, loves a little crunk
She likes it raw, she loves a little punk

When I saw her car parked on the street
I realized this girl's such a freak
She drains me dry and she leaves me weak

She said, "Goodnight, I'll see you real soon
So control yourself -- don't make all the girls swoon."

Hey, that girl's in my bunk
Yeah, the one with the junk in her trunk
She's likes it dirty, loves a little crunk
She likes it raw, she loves a little punk

When I looked down, her ass was so tight
I'm gonna rock her world with all of my might
Make her scream, "Baby, you do me right!"

Pepper

2014 12 17 "Pepper" #OW

Pepper adds flavor to foods
Pepper makes you sneeze
Pepper Potts

A pepper mill is used to break the little balls of pepper into pepper dust
Add that to your crust
If you're out of money you're bust

I don't add salt or pepper to my foods very often

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Freon

"Freon" #JSLAY

On a hot hot summer day
Too hot to move -- just wanna lay
Mouth's so dry I can barely say,
"Girl let's get it on -- it's time to play."

When she's here I come and come and come
She wears me out until I'm undone

Tonight she'll wanna go out and party
Drink up, live it up, hale and hearty
Loves rum and Coke -- it's always Bacardi
Heavy on the sauce

When she's here I come and come and come
She wears me out until I'm undone
I come and come and come
Till I can't tell where I'm coming from

But if she's not too hot, she's too darn cold
Like freon, freon
Freon, Freon
But though she wears me out it never gets old
She don't have to sell me, I'm already sold!

I'll be her Devil as long as I can
I'll go along with her -- just follow her plan
Frack our brains out till I can't stand
With a tigress like her it's always grand!

When she's here I come and come and come
She wears me out until I'm undone
I come and come and come
Till I can't tell where I'm coming from

When she's not too hot, she's too darn cold
Like freon, freon
Freon, Freon
But though she wears me out it never gets old
She don't have to sell me, I'm already sold!

I'm a Cunning Linguist

"I'm a Cunning Linguist" #JSLAY

Oh, I'm a cunning linguist
Just caused another scene twist
My clever tongue
Got it all undone
At lunch with another Screamin' Wet Betty
She wanted it, she was so ready
It was on, headin' for some strange
But I've managed to make it too strange...

Chalk up another one
To my twisty tongue
Daddy once said, "Think before you talk,"
Talking too much'll make 'em wanna walk!
Before it got started it's already done
Unless I find a clue
Find something better to do.

Then I licked my lips
and I smiled really big
Said, "Sorry to be such a stupid pig,"
She laughed and tilted her head
That's when I knew our chances weren't yet dead
I realized if I sang a better song
She be mine tonight, at least till dawn.

Gotta learn to play it cool
Don't let her learn I'm such a tool
Keep the chattin' down till we're in bed
That's how to win the game -- come out ahead
Next time it happens ever again
Gonna be Cary Grant or better yet John Wayne

Don't live with regret
Don't live a life of wist
First get her in bed
Then be a cunning linquist!

Hey, Sadie, You're A Special Lady

"Hey, Sadie, You're A Special Lady"  #SHAN

Me and the boys were talkin' 'bout Nashville
That 3rd midseason finale sure gave us a chill!
Sadie Stone's ex-husband gave her a "little visit" then
Lem piped up, "Is she gonna give 'im half her stuff or does he have to tell her again?"

Hey, Sadie, you're a special lady
Don't take no guff, gal, you're too tough
Your ex is no man -- the way he's acting lately
You'll have to woman up -- don't take that rough stuff!

After we booted Lem out, we really commenced to talking
How we'd all like to kick Pete's ass till he couldn't DO no walking!
But wiser heads prevailed and we get that it's up to you
And we're smart enough to know there's nothing we can do
('Cept offer our love and support to you).

Hey, Sadie, you're a special lady
Don't take no guff, gal, you're too tough
Your ex is no man -- the way he's acting lately
You'll have to woman up -- don't take that rough stuff!

Hey, Sadie, you ain't to blame
Pete's no man -- he's not worthy of the name
You're a good woman -- worthy of respect
You ain't the cause -- Pete's your main suspect!

Hey, Sadie, you're a special lady
Don't take no guff, gal, you're too tough
Your ex is no man -- the way he's acting lately
You'll have to woman up -- don't take that rough stuff!

You deserve a safe and happy life
And if you choose, a husband worthy of his good wife
You gotta decide what you gotta do
But if you need us, call on us -- we want to help you!

Hey, Sadie, you're a special lady
Don't take no guff, gal, you're too tough
Your ex is no man -- the way he's acting lately
You'll have to woman up -- don't take that rough stuff!

Help for Battered and Abused Women

Back Porch

2014 12 16 "Back Porch" #OW

The back porch is closed in
We call it the old TV room
The floor is weak and creaky
It's too narrow
Now we just use it to store junk

I'd like to have a big back porch
Room for rocking chairs
Screened in -- a place for kicking back and relaxing

Monday, December 15, 2014

A Real Thing

"A Real Thing" #JSLAY

"Thanks for the warm welcome," I told her
though I wanted to choke her
I took a chair
But I wasn't there
Not really
I liked to daydream about fond things
and boxing rings
I know the my best part
Will come out when I start
When I find a real thing

Kids love to scream and shout
As they scramble about
Jump on the cracks
Rumble north -- rumble south

I wanna fly over the houses of my town
Take me seriously
I'm not just some clown
I'm gonna find a real thing show you the real me
Gonna be the one to rise above

So the jocks the preps and the losers
Letter jackets
Tennis rackets
Concert tickets
They watch the vids but can't concentrate
Want to be the stars but they don't rate
I'm gonna shoot for something higher
Gonna shake the world -- start a fire

Kids love to scream and shout
As they scramble about
Jump on the cracks
Rumble north -- rumble south

I wanna fly over the houses of my town
Take me seriously
I'm not just some clown
I'm gonna find a real thing show you the real me
Gonna be the one to rise above

I won't give up
So long as I strive

Come To Me

"Come To Me" #JSLAY

Come to me
It always brings me down
Come to me
I always regret you
You should stay away
But come back anyway

Into you
I'm still so
Into you
Sometimes just you
It's just how you make me
They way you make me

I wish I could stop remembering
Find a way out someday
I can't do it, girl
I wish I could turn and walk away

Come to me
It always brings me down
Come to me
You'll walk here beside md
Come creeping to my bed
Come do as I said

Could have laughed in that tape
If it's the finale of our last date
It's the least that I
Could've done

Unlock the door
I'll love you truly, too
Unlock the door
For me, do

Come to me
It always brings me down
Come to me
Aren't you frightened
That you are so drawn
To come back to me?

Hey, Nicki Minaj, I Think Your Eyes Are Pretty

"Hey, Nicki Minaj, I Think Your Eyes Are Pretty" #BFL

Hey, Nicki Minaj, I think your eyes are pretty
I'd rather gaze into your eyes than suck on your titty
Now, just cause I'm an old white guy and I can't rap
Don't assume I'm full of shit, don't guess I'm full of crap!

You seem to think you're only as good as you look
'Cause you like to brag about all those guys your ass wanna tap
But I'm guessin' there's more to you -- like, can you cook?
I figure I need a hook about here -- bappity bappity bap bap bap!

Hey, Nicki Minaj, I think your eyes are pretty
I'd rather gaze into your eyes than suck on your titty
You're a multitalented performer, made for the big city
I'm trying to woo you, girl, so I wrote you this ditty!

Your eyes are brown or green or blue
They're a different color every time I look at you!
There's something special about you -- maybe a little Asian?
I think I'd like to get to know you better, Nicki, do you need some persuasion?

Hey, Nicki Minaj, I think your eyes are pretty
I'd rather gaze into your eyes than suck on your titty
You're a multitalented performer, made for the big city
I'm trying to woo you, girl, so I wrote you this ditty!

According to Wikipedia, you're Trinbagonian!
Damn, girl, I can't even SAY, "Trinbagonian"!
To sum up, I think on the INSIDE you're awesome, you're wonderful, you're great.
So, please, think about me, lady, take ME OUT for a date!

Puddle

2014 12 15 "Puddle" #OW

Big wet puddle
gets my socks wet
shoes worn down from walking the dog
I try to avoid the puddles -- don't like wet socks!
Hannah's a yellow lab -- loves to play in puddles
gets her paws wet
takes a drink whether she's really thirsty or not
hopes to find a good pile of poop to roll around in
Get out of that puddle you mutt!

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Notes for "A Song About Horses" #BFL

Notes for "A Song About Horses" #BFL

The goal is to create a song about horses.  If, after hearing the song, every little girl wants a pony for Christmas, I will consider it a success.

This is a song that traces the path of a young girl's first ride.

This not a song about boys... This is a song about girl power!

It needs a chorus and @ 7 verses:

Choosing your outfit
Safety lesson
Picking a horse
Saddling the horse
Riding the horse
Forging a bond and a lifelong love of horses
Learning that you are capable of so much more than you ever imagined

Lyrics for "Wildfire"

Lyrics for "Wild Horses"

Areas for research

1) why are girls so drawn to horses?

2) technical terms for tack -- boots, saddle, reins, etc.  Maybe have something about how spurs are cruel and should be avoided?

Thursday, December 11, 2014

JC

Now this here is what literary types call a "writing exercise."  I didn't invent it so I didn't get to name it.

I'm just getting warmed up, folks.

You ain't seen nothing yet!

Anyway, here's

"JC"

A and K And Zay
Play
I Say
Today...
Are just some of the words that rhyme with J

B and D and E
Happy
Lovely
Take It Easy...
Rhyme with C

Kacey and Stacey
Cagney and Lacey
Sexy or Racy
Go with JC...

Of all the guys who've loved you...
I loved you the first...
But all my life I've been such a screw-up...
I loved you the worst...

Now it's too late for us -- far too late...
But I've gotta make it up to you -- gotta do something great...
I'm gonna write a song for you -- be patient!
These here lines don't even rhyme -- I've got a lot to learn!

But I promise you --
I'll get there!
I swear to you --
I'm gonna write a song that's
Worthy of you (be patient)...

Now, who is JC?
You may wonder...
Anyone who knows anything about me
Doesn't have to ponder.
You know who you are, JC...
You're --

--------

[I'm looking for a line that rhymes with "wonder" and "ponder."  How about, "Jesus Christ in heaven up yonder"?  Hmmm... I'll probably have to rework some of the other verses... I'll keep working on this one, folks...]

This was an opportunity for me to exercise some "muscles" I rarely get to use these days.

I was aware of Taylor Swift in passing but had not sought out her music before I saw her perform "Welcome to New York" on the "Late Show with David Letterman."  I spent about 3 weeks listening to her studio discography on my iPod, studying the lyrics, breaking them apart like little puzzles, and trying to find what I could do with them.  I've spent a lot of time in the right hemisphere of my brain, losing track of time, and taking the dog for extended walks.  It's made me happier than I've been in many years.

Ms. Swift, I thank you profoundly, sincerely, truly.  Thank you.

Why post so many failures?  This was a writing exercise -- I'm just showing my work.

I choose to conclude with the following:

   Robin. If we shadowes have offended,
Thinke but this (and all is mended)
That you have but slumbred heere,
While these Visions did appeare.
And this weake and idle theame,
No more yeelding but a dreame,
Gentles, doe not reprehend.
If you pardon, we will mend.
And as I am an honest Pucke,
If we have unearned lucke,
Now to scape the Serpents tongue,
We will make amends ere long:
Else the Pucke a lyar call.
So good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

Totally Agree

"Totally Agree"

I totally agree
With everything you just said
You're absolutely right
I wouldn't change a word
Uh huh... Uh huh...
Yes, dear...

Nouveau Antics

"Nouveau Antics"

We just scored, we're new to everything
We cash our checks and then we sing
We buy new clothes, we have no fetters
Trust me, rich is better!

We're still so young, we just got paid
Listen I can tell any girl how rich I am and I'll get laid
We bang broads like gangsters in the bathroom
Baby, life is like our playground

'Cause, honey, I couldn't shake at tassle
At all the chicks who come at me
And each day I like to rassle
And every night a new girl helps me cream!

From now on, sing along with me
The richest people in life drink tea

She'll say:
Please grab my ass and
Please call me a comely lass and
Please make a clumsy pass,
I'm somewhat frantic

Baby, watch our nouveau antics
Stay back, stay back from me
"Frack you" is my passionate slam-jam
I scream it loudly
I'm too busy fracking
'Cause I'm so horny
Baby, watch our nouveau antics
The richest people in life drink tea

The girls are here, and my bullshit is baffling
She doesn't get me, or why I'm laughing
Poor girl's about to learn her place
When I make her match my pace!

I don't need love, but I want a stranger
I'm the sex police, like a lovin' ranger!
They say I love to get down all night
I say they're wrong, but I guess they're right!

You Are In Jail

"You Are In Jail"

You look around
Your hands are bound
It happened so fast
It's now; not your past
It was last night
They read your rights
It was a nightmare
But now, you're still there
No buttons, no coat
Thank God, there's no moat
No proof, not much
But the cops claim, enough
Watch out -- the shower
Don't let'em overpower
No more long drives
To get out, you'll strive

You can hear it in the quiet, quiet
You can feel that there's no way home, way home
The screw says lights out, lights out
You are in jail, true jail
You are in jail

Morning, this place
They punched your face
They stole your shirt
Your face, it hurts
"Free me!  Let me go!"
When're you out? Don't know!
One step, you lurch
Wish you were in church
You miss the sidewalks
The freedom to talk
One night you wake
Cellie strikes your face
Pauses, then hits
Calls you his bitch
And you knew you failed
'Cause you're in jail!

And here you are
He makes you bend over, kneel down and down
He takes your behind, you frown and frown
And you get it now why they scream and shout and pout
And you'll spend your whole life tryin' to bust out

Ferguson

"Ferguson"

Flashing lights and we
Took a wrong turn and we
Got tazed by a rabid cop.

You held on tight to me
Tried to soothe my screams
It's spinning out of control.

Didn't they tell us don't drive while black?
When they flashed their lights I had a panic attack!
Haven't you heard that they come for your curious minds?

Ooooo

Didn't it all seem unreal and frightening?
I felt the cuffs twistin' me round
What's this nightmare place we found?

We found Ferguson
You and I got lost in it
And we pretended we could live til 'morrow
aye
We found Ferguson
You and I got lost in it
And life was never worse but must get better
aye aye

Aye [x5]
In Ferguson
Aye [x5]
In Ferguson
Aye [x5]
In Ferguson
Aye [x5]
In Ferguson

So we tried to go our way
Too afraid to think straight
All alone or so it seemed.

But there were dangers lurking
And dangers turned to stalking
And stalking turned to screams.

Oooooh

I reached for you but you were gone
I knew we had to get back home
You search the world for some peace of mind like once had
And in the end in Ferguson the world went mad.

Sober

"Sober"

I thought my bladder was gonna burst
Thank God I got there to the restroom first
It was days and weeks of forth and back
And I hope I'll drink no more, maybe get my life back

Head held high as I realize, I can do it -- don't have to drink no more

For many long years I was drunk or high
For the first time now think I've said goodbye
My long nightmare is finally over
'Cause I'm clean right now -- yeah I'm sober.

When I let that creep pay to hit me with a riding crop
So I could buy drugs to get that pop
'S when I finally realized, "Hey, this has to stop."
I was at my lowest then, now I'm back on top.

The air fills my lungs, I feel so proud, now hear me sing!

10 months sober, yeah, that's it
The monkey's off my back, I'm off the tit
10 months sober, I've gotta admit
Now that I'm sober I'm startin' a' like it!

I Read Faces

"I Read Faces"

I stand ready with my eye on the sight line
It's a party and we're trying to keep it light
I watch them whisper as they pass by
I can see the signs, see the signs
Something happens and I can find out
People-watchin's such a trip now
Learn something new, watch someone flame out
They might burn out

Cause look at their faces, I can read them
And now
I can read faces, that's how I beat them
And how

Baby, their secrets they'll betray
'Cause when I read faces I learn what they say
I read faces to learn what they know
It tells me what to do and where to go

Lips flash and I read what they're sayin'
They underestimate me -- think I'm just playin'
And their loose lips will surely sink 'em
Knowledge is power -- I can read what they're thinkin'

Just follow my lead and don't ever falter
My love
We'll overpower them like they're wearin' a halter
Then we've won!

They make their plots, but I know their plans
I read faces
They shoud give up now, just raise their hands
I read faces
They've already told me all I need to know
I read faces
They can't escape us -- they've got nowhere to go!

This Glove

"This Glove"

Cold gray rainclouds, lightning flashed and drove you on
I said, "Girl, let me put my condom on,"
Fingers fumbled, you helped me put it on
And I just go on and on, go on and on

With nudie books
And nervous looks
I never came like this

This glove is a hood, it makes me glad
For all the kids we've not yet had
This glove helps keeps us free
'Cause kids at our age?  Such misery!

Wanting, yearning, snuggling to make it right with a girl like you
And it helps me go on and on, on and on
Pole straining, reaching in the dark only for you
And you turn me on, on, and on

Keep a good grip
Don't let it slip
'Cause your kid would be mine!

This glove is a protective sheath
Whether you're on top or lie beneath
Your lips hold it so tight
And I can last throughout the night!

This glove, this glove, this glove, this glove... [4x]

My pole, your moan, as I drive it home
Your smile, I know, I'm free to roam
If it don't break, won't lose my seed
Won't be tied down, it keeps us free!

This glove, this glove, this glove, this glove... [4x]

How You Get the Boy

"How You Get the Boy"

Oooo, wah wah-wah-wah, oooo.

Girl, you can get the boy with the greatest of ease
Don't have to be a temptress, don't have to be a tease,
Barely lift a finger, merely whisper, "Please,"
If you need more rules, then follow these:

Don't say things like never or forever
He likes to take it easy, show you can take it slow
Ask him if he likes you better in lace or leather
Don't throw out ultimatums -- don't make him stay or go.

Girl, you can get the boy with the greatest of ease
Don't have to be a temptress, don't have to be a tease,
Barely lift a finger, merely whisper, "Please,"
If you need more rules, then follow these:

Boys are like dogs, girls are like cats
You can keep 'im happy with tummy pats.
Don't ever ask him, "Does this outfit make me look fat?"
'Cause guys are far too stupid to handle situations like that!

Girl, you can get the boy with the greatest of ease
Don't have to be a temptress, don't have to be a tease,
Barely lift a finger, merely whisper, "Please,"
If you need more rules, then follow these:

Don't pile on the demands, don't take and take and take.
Let him know that you're for real, not just another pretty fake.
He wants to be your Prince, wants you to be his Queen.
But if he moves too slow for you, it won't help you to be mean!

Girl, you can get the boy with the greatest of ease
Don't have to be a temptress, don't have to be a tease,
Barely lift a finger, merely whisper, "Please,"
If you follow my rules, he'll WANT to take a knee!

Shrillest Screams

"Shrillest Screams"

She said, "Daddy, you just go to town,"
"'Cause taking your best shot makes me feel so proud
"Take me, Daddy, oh, Daddy, take me now!"
You can ask the other folks at the party who watched it go down.

I'm so tall and handsome as hell
I'm great at being bad 'cause I do it so well
I can see her nips harden as it begins
Her one condition is

Say you'll remember my safe word is, "Nice dress,"
But if I don't say it, please don't stop
'Cause I'm your bottom, Daddy, and you're the Top,
Take me without mercy, bring out my shillest screams, oh, shillest screams, oh, ah!

I said, "All these lucky folks get to watch what we do,"
And I made her notice all the people in the dungeon room
And my flogger is a familiar sound
The crowd gathers round 'cause this is getting good now.

I'm so tall and handsome as hell
I'm great at being bad 'cause I do it so well
And when we've just started our dance
She says, before she slips way into her subspace trance...

Say you'll remember my safe word is, "Nice dress,"
But if I don't say it, please don't stop
'Cause I'm your bottom, Daddy, and you're the Top,
Take me without mercy, bring out my shillest screams, oh, shillest screams, oh, ah!

Bad Love

"Bad Love"

You begged and pleaded for the whip
For a pain slut like you, it's such a trip
I've trained for safety, but I made a slip
Dug a little too deep, too deep with the tip.
When you screamed, I said, "What?"
You cried, "You cut me, Sir! O Daddy, I'm cut!"
You whimpered, you moaned, you found what you're made of.
Sometimes you take the bad with the bad when you're into bad love.

'Cause, baby, we've got bad love
I have an iron fist in a leather glove
It makes me feel like Samson, to see what you're made of!
You're made of steel, 'cause you crave bad love!

I bandaged your cut, I gave you a salve
I looked in your eyes, so grateful for what we have.
I hugged you close, I wiped you down
You begged and pleaded me, "Daddy, let's start the next round."
I caressed you with the with the whip, and with each trace
We grew closer together, in a painful embrace.
You're my precious jewel, as graceful as a dove
You're the one I need, 'cause we share bad love!

'Cause, baby, we've got bad love
I have an iron fist in a leather glove
It makes me feel like Samson, to see what you're made of!
You're made of steel, 'cause you crave bad love!

After the scene, we scampered into bed!
You handled my willy, you gave me great head!
We mingled all night, lots of aftercare
'Cause that's how it goes, with the bond that we share.
We held each other close until the morning light.
You said, "Daddy, please, let's do it again, tomorrow night!"
Acted like I was thinking about it, but you'll never have to ask me twice.
'Cause, baby, I cherish you so much -- when you're so naughty, it's oh, so, nice!

'Cause, baby, we've got bad love
I have an iron fist in a leather glove
It makes me feel like Samson, to see what you're made of!
You're made of steel, 'cause you crave bad love!

Relish Is Good

"Relish Is Good"

It's about noon at your hot dog cart
And I thank God: "Lord, how great thou art."
I thank God again, oh God is good.
With the blessings done, it's time for food.

Don't go for shawarma, nothing on a stick,
I tell you a good old fashioned hot dog's your pick.
When you're in Manhattan, in Queens, in your neighborhood,
And what goes best on a dog?  Relish is good!

Some folks get theirs with onions and chili,
God bless 'em -- I think that they're silly!
Of course you know me so well, 'bout as well as you could.
You ask, "Relish?"  I say, "Relish Is Good."

Take It Off

"Take It Off"

Your body looks so great
Like kissin' in the rain
That's what Buddy says, mmm-mmm
That's what Buddy says, mmm-mmm

You're one of the greats [smirk]
But I can't stay out too late
At least that's what my wife says, mmm-mmm
That's what my wife says, mmm-mmm

That's why we're boozin'
At this strip club where we're groovin'
Head throbbin' from this music
On my mind
Saying, "Gonna be fun tonight."

'Cause the servers gonna serve, serve, serve, serve, serve,
And you're body's got that verve, verve, verve, verve, verve
Baby, you gotta just take, take, take, take, take,
You take it off, you take it off!
Customers gonna tip, tip, tip, tip, tip
And we don't want no lip, lip, lip, lip, lip
Baby, you gotta just take, take, take, take, take,
You take it off, you take it off!

I never miss a ho
And yet I've gotta go
So show me what I've paid to see, mmm-mmm
Your rack I can't believe, mmm-mmm

You're dancing on your own (oh my, how I've grown)
You shimmie down that pole (down that pole)
I'd love to fill your hole, mmm-mmm
I'd love to fill your hole, mmm-mmm

Take it off, You take it off,
You, You, You take it off, You take it off,
You, You, You take it off, You take it off,
You, You, You take it off, You take it off

Ho, ho, ho
Just imagine that while you shake and grind about the dirty, dirty dives of the world,
I'm gonna get the waitress to bring me fresh meat

My stripper brought her new girlfriend
She's like oh-so-hot, but when she's gonna take?
And to the stripper over there with the legs by Nair
Won't you come on over, honey?  You can take, take, take (it off)!

All You Had To Do Was Sit

"All You Had To Do Was Sit"

[Verse 1]
You're such a good girl, such a good girl!
Love to take you for a walk, a run, a neighborhood whirl!
Love to play with you, love to pat your tummy!
I'd never want to try your treats, but you act like they're so yummy!
You know so many tricks!
So many treats!  So many licks!

[Verse 2]
Sit
Hey! All you had to do was sit
We're at the show -- we were gonna win it!
But you didn't wanna sit -- had to sniff that dog's butt!
Girl, I'm so disappointed in you, oh, girl, I tell you what!
That day, oh, we didn't win that trophy!
No, they passed it on to some bitch named Sofie!
No, girl, not gonna give you a biscuit
'Cause, hey, girl, all you had to do was sit!

[Verse 3]
Damn it, all you had to do was sit
Like you did so many times before, nothing to it
Then, why'd you have to go and let me down when I brought you up
That's right, girl, I've raised you from a pup!
And, now, girl, you act like you want a treat
A juicy steak or something else bitches like to eat.
Well, girl, how'm I gonna make you learn?
Dog food's not cheap or free, it's something you gotta earn!

[Chorus]
All you had to do was sit
All you had to do was sit
All you had to do was sit
All you had to do was sit

Are We At the Hospital Yet?

"Are We At the Hospital Yet?"

[Verse 1]
Remembering just how
It all got so complex
I'm furrowing my brow
We're lying in our bed
You picked up my phone
And snapped a fuzzy shot
We're together all alone
But alone together we're not!

[Verse 2]
Remembering just how
I felt it was so right
We played brown chicken brown cow
You kept me up all night!
You're such special girl
So relatable, so fine
I took you for a whirl
Just glad that you were mine!

[Verse 3]
That drunk driver crossed the line
Came swerving at us
Tried to avoid him just in time
But did not miss that bus!
You were knocked out cold
I didn't know what to do
I picked you up to hold
And when you came to
I was looking at you
I was looking at you
Do you recall?

[Chorus]
Have we reached the promised land yet?
Have we reached the promised land yet?
Have we reached the promised land yet?
Did you keep your promise?
Are you the one for me?
Are you the one for me?
Are you the one for me?
Are you the one?
Great!

Fashion

"Fashion"

Morning,
You come and pick me up, no horn
Long drive,
Could end at the strip mall or big box store
Fade into view, oh, shopping center Santa how I miss you (I miss you)

I should just tell you to go
'Cause I maxed out my credit cards I know
And window shoppin's less 'n' less fun each time.

You got that Walmart KMart look in your eye
And I got that blue light special thing that you like
And when we go bargain hunting, we come back every time
Cause we've never run out of passion
We're still the latest fashion!

You got that pork rind moon shine wife beater stain
I got that missing tooth and some lower back pain
And when we find a bargain, we come back every time
Cause we've never run out of passion
We're still the latest fashion!

So it goes
He drives like he has jet lag
Takes me home
Unlocks the door, he carries the bags
I say, "I heard that last week you went shopping with some other girl, some other girl."

He says, "That was my cousin Sue but I
Only went shopping for you," and I...
I said, "What'd you get me?"

You got that Walmart KMart look in your eye
And I got that blue light special thing that you like
And when we go bargain hunting, we come back every time
Cause we've never run out of passion
We're still the latest fashion!

You got that pork rind moon shine wife beater stain
I got that missing tooth and some lower back pain
And when we find a bargain, we come back every time
Cause we've never run out of passion
We're still the latest fashion!

Take me home
Just take me home, yeah.
Just take me home
(out of fashion)

You got that Walmart KMart look in your eye
And I got that blue light special thing that you like
And when we go bargain hunting, we come back every time
Cause we've never run out of passion
We're still the latest fashion!

Parking Space

"Parking Space"

Knew you before I met ya
Hey, I've been around
So I've seen some things
You're self-destructive -- you seem trouble-bound!
Oh my God, look at that dress
You look like my next mess
But love's serious bidness, not just play!

Old money, fancy watch
I can read you like a book
Ain't it tasty, like old Scotch
You know you've got me on the hook
But whoa, let's be friends?
All I can tell you, is that depends...
Before I take your hand
Tell me: What do you REALLY need in your Man?

It can't last forever
It can only go down in flames
Because you love your Drama
You love to play your games!
Don't just list your ex-lovers
Girl, you've earned SOME blame
A full life has many layers
But yours stays the same!

'Cause you're wrong and you're feckless
If you just jump to way too far
Lust is reckless
Love is like buying a car
There's no hurry, we can wait
Let's take time to negotiate
Tell me what you want, what you need
Don't take me for granted, let's see if we agree!

Don't do drugs, don't need your lies
I've been around; so many things I've seen
Spare me your alibis
Don't need to be a King, baby, and you're no Queen
Don't worry about what I want
Let me tell you what I need
Don't assume it has to blow up, that's not guaranteed.

Preening, scrying, super suit
I don't need all the pieces moved
Apple grove filled with fruit
I keep it smooth and steady
Hey, Girl, are you ready?
Real love is a brew that's heady
'Cause, ma'am, I'm a man dressed like a man.

It might not last forever
But don't have to go down in flames
Can you give up your Drama?
You don't have to play your games!
Don't just list your ex-lovers
Girl, you've earned SOME blame
A full life has many layers
But yours stays the same!

'Cause you're wrong and you're feckless
If you just jump to way too far
Lust is reckless
Love is like buying a car
There's no hurry, we can wait
Let's take time to negotiate
Tell me what you want, what you need
Don't take me for granted, let's see if we agree!

Didn't you see Bull Durham?
Men will put up with anything if they think it leads to sex
But I know love ain't sex,
Baby, don't need to ask your ex!

It might not last forever
But don't have to go down in flames
Can you give up your Drama?
You don't have to play your games!
Don't just list your ex-lovers
Girl, you've earned SOME blame
A full life has many layers
But yours stays the same!

'Cause you're wrong and you're feckless
If you just jump to way too far
Lust is reckless
Love is like buying a car
There's no hurry, we can wait
Let's take time to negotiate
Tell me what you want, what you need
Don't take me for granted, let's see if we agree!

Welcome To Reidsville

"Welcome To Reidsville"

Walking alone, the city is asleep
Collage of tired hearts under wraps
Everybody here wants something more
Searching for a sound we haven't heard before
But it says

Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville

It's an old soundtrack
I couldn't dance to this bleat, bleat
For a moment more
The lights aren't so bright
But they never shine on me, shine on me
Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville

Our Civil War Statue was hit by a truck
If you want excitement, then you're out of luck
Reidsville was built on weavin' and believin'
Tobacco farms and the right to work (for less)
Now textiles and tobacco're done with goin' and leavin'
If you really want better all I can say is, "God bless..."

Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville

It's an old soundtrack
I couldn't dance to this bleat, bleat
For a moment more
The lights aren't so bright
But they never shine on me, shine on me
Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville

Like any great loss, it keeps you frowning
Like any real loss, it's slow-to-changing
Like any true loss, it drives you crazy
But you know if you could you would change everything, everything, everything

Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville

It's an old soundtrack
I couldn't dance to this bleat
The lights aren't so bright
But they never shine on me
Welcome to Reidsville

Old soundtrack
It's been dying for you
Welcome to Reidsville
The lights aren't so bright
But they never shine on me
Welcome to Reidsville
Such blight, they never shine on me
Welcome to Reidsville
Welcome to Reidsville

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Two Kids at Home

Would a guy refuse to date a woman because she already had a boyfriend?  I don't think so!  So, why would a guy refuse to date an attractive woman who has it together and is pursuing him?  I didn't know, so I had to Google it... ( http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2013/10/17/why-dont-men-like-to-date-women-with-kids/ )

"Two Kids at Home"

Demo "Two Kids at Home"

You like to lie
Say you look under 30
I'd let that slide
Cause I know you're kinda dirty...

But, baby, you got two kids at home
and, baby, don't I know it.
You wanna invite me over when they're gone
But, girl, you're gonna blow it.

You try to make it sound so simple
Try to win me over with those dimples,
Tell me that it's easy
But it makes me kind of queasy.
You try to make light
But I know we're just gonna fight
Claim your kids shouldn't make me hesitate
But kids make it so hard to date.

Baby, you got two kids at home
and, baby, don't I know it.
You wanna invite me over when they're gone
But, girl, you kinda should stow it.

Men like to stay over
They like a quiet little layover
If I want to spend some time with you
Don't mean I want to watch a kid or two.
You can't give all your love to me
So, girl, I'm gonna set you free.
It's good for you there's so many other guys
Maybe some of them will buy your lies...

Baby, you got two kids at home
and, baby, don't I know it.
You wanna invite me over when they're gone
But, girl, you're gonna blow it.

I'm really just a kid myself
I'm not some magic kid-raising elf.
You're their Mom -- I'm not their Dad!
That doesn't make me a selfish cad.
You got some kids to raise.
I won't date you, but I give you praise.
I know that kids take work.
So I'm bowing out -- I'll be that jerk!

Baby, you got two kids at home
and, baby, don't I know it.
You wanna invite me over when they're gone
But, girl, you kinda should stow it.

Kiss Me... Right There

"Kiss Me... Right There"

We met cute in the usual way
You hooked me -- what did you say?
Like best friends, you're my best pal
You hug me, Feels right tonight
Need sunglasses cause our future's so bright
You're the best fella and I'm your best gal...

And right here right now my heart tells me
You're the person... here's where I wanna be
Kiss me... right there, Kiss me... right there.
I'm yours, be mine today
We're gonna make it happen this way,
Kiss me... right there, Kiss me... right there.

Don't break my heart, won't let it crack...
To lose you would be like a soul attack,
Breaking faster than the world mistook you...

And right here right now my heart tells me
You're the person... here's where I wanna be
Kiss me... right there, Kiss me... right there.
I'm yours, be mine today
We're gonna make it happen this way,
Kiss me... right there, Kiss me... right there.

The Flower We Grew

"The Flower We Grew" (abandoned)

I could've been there,
would've shown you I care
Could've shown you a rare smile,
The one I haven't shown you in a while
But other matters were on my plate
Not making excuses -- you know I was late.

And it was like a rolling ocean,
Missing my best girl, feeling like a hot mess
A right dipstick,
I'm the bum here I guess,
And you're trying not to get mad again,
"Cause I let you down again,
I wish we could have been kissing,
Try to help the flower we grew.

Soft lips moisten,
I know well what I'm missin'
Just rushing to meet you
That's what I was trying to do
Doesn't matter now what went wrong
I know I can't fix us in a song
I know I said I'd be there
Swear to God I wish I'd been there.

And it was like a rolling ocean,
Missing my best girl, feeling like a hot mess
A right dipstick,
I'm the bum here I guess,
And you're trying not to get mad again,
"Cause I let you down again,
We wish we could have been kissing,
Try to fix the flower we grew.

And the moments tick by,
I'm not there and you're on your own
I know it's not enough just to try
I try and fail not to leave you alone
I tell you I'll move mountains to get there
But you're there and I'm here
It's a helpless feeling to let you down
Not to be there -- just not be aroun'
You seen so hopeless,
I said I'd be there.

And it was like a rolling ocean,
Missing my best girl, feeling like a hot mess
A right dipstick,
I'm the bum here I guess,
And you're trying not to get mad again,
"Cause I let you down again,
We wish we could have been kissing,
Try to save the flower we grew.

We tried to plant a seed
Tried to water it, watch grow
I tried to do what we agreed
Girl, I messed up, I know
I don't provide the warmth, the love, the light
To nourish our flower to grow right.

I should've been there
And you would've been so happy

And it was like a rolling ocean,
Missing my best girl, feeling like a hot mess
A right dipstick,
I'm the bum here I guess,
And you're trying not to get mad again,
"Cause I let you down again,
We wish we could have been kissing,
Cause that was the flower we grew.

Ooh, I knew.
Ooh,

I called you later,
And said, "I'm sorry, I didn't make it,"
Your voice cracked and I knew
Our flower had passed with the morning dew.

Start Over

 I found I had 3 problems with "Begin Again":

1 it's song in which a woman compares her previous boyfriend to her current boyfriend (she SEEMS TO prefer the current boyfriend, but I doubt he wants to hear about the old boyfriend regardless);
2 the line "On Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again."  Why so passive?  Would Joan Jett ever write that line?  I'd suggest "we made it begin again" or "we helped it begin again."
3 I have more in common with the previous boyfriend than the current boyfriend.

I made this an exercise in writing nonsensical gibberish, where the words may fit the rhythm and some lines may rhyme.  I expect this to be my biggest hit evah!

"Start Over" (abandoned)

Look, a long crack in the mirror
She didn't like it when I ate grape peels
But it's true
Crack a book and put my glasses on
She always said she didn't trust my dong
But it's true, so true

Skipped in regretting that last beer
But you're my dear here burly and you're stout and brave
I skip to you
You pull my hair out and strap me in
And I don't know quite where Waldo is
That's so true

And you grow a soundtrack packing nice a little bit
I find it weird that you bind my money 'cause she always hid
I've been saving the last great mints
Knowing all love ovens burn and break and Grover
But today with Rover we helped it all start over

You said you never met a guy
Who had as many Paul Kelly CDs as you
But it's true
Talk Gossip Dots So Much Water So Close to Home
I'll travel to Australia if ever I roam
Yes, it's true.

And you grow a soundtrack packing nice a little bit
I find it weird that you bind my money 'cause she always hid

I've been saving the last great mints
Knowing all love ovens burn and break and Grover
But today with Rover we helped it all start over

And we skipped down the block to your bar and I almost caught her up
But you fart or talk about the goobers that so lazily
Amble
Every single hick slip and I want to laugh about that
And once again the past is prologue

And you grow a soundtrack packing nice a little bit
I find it weird that you bind my money 'cause she always hid

I've been saving the last great mints
Knowing all love ovens burn and break and Grover
But today with Rover we helped it all start over

But today with Rover we helped it all start over

Barlight

"Barlight"

I said, "Oh, shit, what a fantastic song"
We were all right, we were perfect, oh, how we grooved!
The whole bar was drunker than shit
And I knew we'd hit it, hit it
Scoring under barlight, barlight
Scoring under barlight, barlight

I met Bobbi at the dive bar, just last summer
She was a great lay, gave a great hummer
We were 21 and hazy, running drunk, high
Coon't remember our names half the time
One time we were wedding crashers
Another time, diners and dashers!

And I said, "Oh, shit, what a fantastic song"
We were all right, we were perfect, oh, how we grooved!
The whole bar was drunker than shit
And I knew we'd hit it, hit it
Scoring under barlight, barlight
Scoring under barlight, barlight

She said, "Look at you, you're almost perfect, just need a few changes
We'll spend our whole life singing in tune if you'd accept some small rearranges."
She was gazing in my eyes, bleating at me,
"Can't you see the barlight, barlight?
Can't you scheme of possible things?"

Like, "Oh, shit, what a fantastic song"
We were all right, we were perfect, oh, how we grooved!
The whole bar was drunker than shit
And I knew we'd hit it, hit it
Scoring under barlight, barlight
Scoring under barlight, barlight

Yeah, boo was sure acting crazy
So drunk, the details get hazy
But with an ass like that she was my wet dream
Lustin' after her was like peaches 'n' cream!

"Oh, shit, what a fantastic song"
We were all right, we were perfect, oh, how we grooved!
The whole bar was drunker than shit
And I knew we'd hit it, hit it
Scoring under barlight, barlight
Scoring under barlight, barlight
Scoring under barlight, barlight
Like we dream the wettest of dreams!
Like barlight, barlight
Like we dream the wettest of dreams!
Can you see the barlight, barlight?
Hear how she moans and she screams?

Nothing is the Same

"Nothing is the Same" (duet)

[Female]
All I've learned since I got up
Is I know I agree with you -- when you talk, I say, "Yup."
And when you say hi to me, I just say, "'Sup?"
You've got blue eyes and dimples on your face
When we're together, we sing "Amazing Grace."

[Female]
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now

[Both]
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now
I just wanna churn your butter, churn it, not burn it.

[Both]
Yes, 'cause I can guess that since we said, "Hi"
Your eyes are telling me I've said my last goodbye
All I know is a simple fact
Nothing is the same
All I know is that you have tact
And you'd stand up for me if I was attacked
All I know since forever is nothing is the same!

[Male]
And all my windows are clean and crystal clear
I feel like a man, like I can, like I just open up when you're near.

[Both]
And all I feel in my stomach is burning hunger
You make me feel like I'm ten years younger!
You're the one for me, there is no other
Come closer to me, baby, be my lover...

[Both]
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now
I just wanna churn your butter, churn it, not burn it.

[Both]
Yes, 'cause I can guess that since we said, "Hi"
Your eyes are telling me I've said my last goodbye
All I know is a simple fact
Nothing is the same
All I know is that you have tact
And you'd stand up for me if I was attacked
All I know since forever is nothing is the same!

[Bridge]
Come here now and tell me how
You're the missing piece of me -- I know it now
And meet anywhere -- house, hotel, or garbage scow
Let's get it on -- we'll play, "Brown chicken brown cow!"

[Female]
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now
I just wanna churn your butter, churn your butter, churn your butter now

[Both]
Yes, 'cause I can guess that since we said, "Hi"
Your eyes are telling me I've said my last goodbye
All I know is a simple fact
Nothing is the same
All I know is that you have tact
And you'd stand up for me if I was attacked
All I know since forever is nothing is the same!

[Female]
All I know is we said, "Hi."
So polish off your highest highs
All I know is sunny skies and nothing is the same
All I know is an open space
Till I die I'll know you're my place
All I know since forever is nothing is the same.